When Boys Became Men

I received a sms a couple of weeks ago from one of my mates. This is how the message goes:

13/04/2006 17.44
I got my new baby boy today 13/04/2006 at about 5pm.

It strucked me then that how fast times past by. One of my friends who is one year younger than me just became a father. I've known this guy for quite some time. We went to the same school and did all the sports stuff together (soccer and sepaktakraw). I still remember quite clearly the first time I met him. It was in the school bus. I just shifted to Shah Alam and I was in form one. He was wearing a short blue pants (primary school uniform). And now, he's a proud father of a healthy boy. From a twelve year old kid to a father. I guess it must've taken quite some courage and time to do that. But it seems like we are travelling in the speed of light or at least he is travelling in the speed of light!!

"Life is just a cycle". You came into this world, you go to school, get a job, buy a car, buy a house , get married, have children. Then when you know it, you are already lying six feet under the ground. Then it will start all over again. No use sighing........

My heartiest congratulation to Surish and family. May you find a new meaning in life with your new baby.



Then, there was Tat's wedding on the 19th of March 2006. I was part of his best men team. But we failed. We failed big time because we offered no help at all. We were supposed to help him to get through all the obstacles thrown at him by the bride's side, we were supposed to drive members of the bride's side to the temple then to the groom's home, but we end up offering nothing and to make matters worse, our mind were only on DOTA!!! And Eddie even showed up late at the dinner like he is the one getting married. But in the end, we concluded that we passed on 2 ocassions; the 'yam seng' part and the photography sessions.

SALUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIVERPOOL 2 - chelsea 1

On Saturday, 22nd of April 2006, Liverpool (the greatest football club in the world) had beaten chelski 2-1 in the FA Cup semifinal. John Arne Riise had given LI\iverpool a well deserved lead in the 21st minute before cult hero Luis Garcia added a second in the 53rd minute. Eventhough chelski found a way back into the game when best supporting actor of the year, tiuniamacauhai kannimboo Drogba the bastard diver scored in the 70th minute. But still chelski can't match Liverpool's superiority throughout the game. Now we are all just waiting for May 13th, where Liverpool will meet West Ham in the FA cup final and may god bless Liverpool to lift the cup. An interesting thing happened after the final whistle where the muthafucker of the year Jose caucibai Mourinho refused to shake the hand of his conqueror, Rafa Benitez. I guessed that muthafucker Mourinho just wanna use his hands to wank himself and not to do any other things with it.

"Heng Tai"

Everyone has a cycle of friends. And in this cycle, there will be definitely three of four fuckos who are the best of buddies and this is called "Heng Tai" (buddies in cantonese). They will do anything together and also try to do anything for the 'other'.

I have my own heng tai. Three of them to be exact. Kar Weng, Donnie aka ' Donz Da Man' and Chin Tat. I've known them for more than 15 years now and I wonder how I can survived for such a long time with Donz ( a really fucked-up fuck head). The four of us have done quite some crazy shit together. The first thing that crossed my mind when I thought of these fuckos were our 'shopping spree' adventure without paying. One particular incident that I can't forget is when Donz walked into a book store to 'get' some Star Wars sci-fi books to add to his already growing home library (after countless visits to the bookstore). This fuck head walked to the sci-fi section and when he found the Star Wars books, he measured the size of the book with his hand. He then walked out the bookstore without 'getting' anything to a secluded place and measured his waist with his hand. You know what this fuck head is up to? He is measuring his waist so he'll know exactly how many Star Wars books he can fit around his waist!!! As Donz is quite a fat ass, he managed to fit four Star Wars books around his waist. What a genius.

Then there was Tat (Chin Tat), the great pretender. After our first adventure to 'acquire' some cassettes from a cassettes store (cd is the high-end thing back then and piracy is still in an infant stage), we gathered at some back-alley and happily show off our new acquired metallica, iron maiden, sepultura and nirvana cassettes except Tat. Each of us got at least 2 cassettes except Tat. He said he got none and his face was showing how sad he was.But then, after a while, this ass hole slowly take out something from his waist (I guess the waist is the best place to hide things). One by one he took out 4 cassettes. Four!!!! This is the muthafucker who showed a pathetic face because the three of us were so happy checking out our new cassettes except him. But this is also the muthafucker who 'acquired' the most cassettes!!! What an ass hole.
During that time, we could 'get' anything we wanted. Books (not revision books okay!), cassettes, shirts, jackets, chocolates, drinks and even ciggarettes. I can say that we live an exclusive lifestyle then.

But we also had our days. There were times that the four of us were so broke that one of us will bring food from home so the other three will have something to eat. We took turns. I will bring food on Monday, then Kar Weng the next day, Donz the following day and then Tat. But it didn't last long because I don't want to and we deserved the best! So what I did was to walk around the school with Donz and I will 'ask' people for money (I do not beg for money so figure it out what I meant when I said 'ask'). So, in one day Donz and I will managed to get around RM12- RM15. Not bad ehh for two fuckos who just wanted to eat. The money that we get will be spent on food for the four of us. The weird thing is Kar Weng and Tat opted out of the 'asking' for money part but they want a piece of the share. The two of them should've joined us because we would have made more money when there were four of us!!!! Well, as I've said, a heng tai will try to do anything for the other heng tai.

The four of us have grown up now and have our own careers and we are still as close as ever.

No Escape

I just came back from Kuching yesterday. I've said in my previous post that Kuching is a muthafucking dead town but still it ain't short of surprises.

First of all, my flight to Kuching was delayed from 8.15am to 10.45am. But that was okay as I've got the news last Friday so I didn't turned up so early after all at the airport. But still I didn't know why the flight was delayed, not until I reached Kuching.

When I reached the new Kuching International Airport, I had to wait for one fucking hour just to get through immigration. There were so many people. It turned out that it was the official opening of the airport by our beloved Prime Minister. That was why all the muthafucking flights to Kuching on that time had to be delayed to make way for the ceremony. And all the muthafucking flights to Kuching will have more or less the same arrival time to Kuching then. So, that explained why there were so many people at the airport. After immigration, I had to wait another half an hour just to get a fucking taxi coupon.

When I got into the taxi, the driver smells like dead fish + shit!!!! His body odour was so bad that I used my mouth to breath. When I tried to breath the normal way, I felt like puking to that asshole!!!! It was terrible. Even when I was breathing through my mouth I felt like puking!!! It was a 40 minutes terror ride for me.

And the 'adventure' just don't end there. After I met my client, I checked into a hotel. It was about 6pm. It was a rough day. So I decided to rest for a while. Then suddenly, an asshole just walked straight into my room!!!!!! Luckily I wasn't wanking. Muthafucker. I would definitely welcomed it if that was a babe. I would even suggest that she stay with me but then this was a muthafucker!!! But as he was as stunned as me, he walked out the room. Actually he just checked into the hotel and somehow the muthafucking hotel staff gave him the room I was in. Not his fault anyway. So I got changed and moved into action. I went to the reception and asked for explanation. They just keep apologizing.

That's Kuching.

Best Time In Life - Part I

Lately I've been thinking quite a lot about the time when I was still a student. I really miss those fucking years!!! Its quite funny that as a student, what I really need to do is just enjoy myself, sleep, eat, smoke, watch TV and whatever I wanted to do except study.

You see, when I was 13, I shifted to Shah Alam from KL and I got into a school in Klang where I continue to horn my skills in truancy. Being new in a town (Klang) where I hardly know anyone or anything except that it's famous for Bah Kut Teh, it's really hard for me to adjust to life especially the communication part!!! Back in KL, every Chinese speaks Cantonese. But this is not the case in Klang. There, they speak in Hokkien. Come on!! I don't even know what the fuck is Hokkien. What I know about Hokkien then, is the Hokkien mee.

I still remember quite clearly the first day I'm supposed to report to school. I was in form one then. I took a fucking bus from Shah Alam to Klang. If you are an avid Lost (the TV series) fan, then you'll know how I felt when I first arrived in Klang. I'm totally lost. I don't know how to get to the fucking school!!! This is bad. Please don't tell me to skip school on the very first day!!! I still need to know how to get to the school! As things might not have been better, in front of me was a roundabout. At this point, I have to make the very first important decision of my life- which route to take? Then I looked at the signboard. If I'm not mistaken, the school is located at Jalan Meru. So I just followed the Jalan Meru direction and after around 10 minutes of walking, there it was - High School Klang.

And now's the tricky part. How do I communicate with all the fuckos here?? The very first fuck head who asked me a question in Hokkien is a bastard named Chee Meng.
Chee Meng : "Leh ooh ching lai sar boh"? (Are you wearing a bra?)
Me: (looked stunned and scratching my head because I don't understand a single word he said)

And it turned out that this muthafucker is actually a Cantonese and he just want to look at my stunned face for fun!!! Well, I don't blamed him. Everyone just want to have fun. As I'm an intelligent and also a good looking guy(errmm...), I've picked up Hokkien quite fast. After spending 7 years in that school (from form one to upper six), I found out that what I really learned there is Hokkien. What a place. I won't forget this place as long as I live as this is the place where I made so many wonderful friends. Part of my "bestest" times were spent here.

What to do?

Next week I'll be going on a business trip to Kuching, Sarawak. Kuching has a city status. Well, my definition for a city is it should have:
1) Great shopping malls where a lot of hot babes hang out there
2) A lot pubs
3) Karaoke
4) Brothels
5) A lot of hot chicks

If we add all those things that I mentioned up there, you'll get 1+2+3+4+5 = Excellent night life
But I'm really sad to say that Kuching doesn't meet my requirements of having a great night life. It sucks!!! In fact, it sucks BIG TIME. It's a dead town for fuck's sake. What you can do there is :

1) Go to some Ah Kau Supermarket Sdn Bhd where most of the babes looked like your granny (no disrespect here)
2) Go to Restaurant Bapak Kamu for a drink where all the patrons are Gwai Lohs and Gwai Pohs. You think damn cool rite to have so many foreigners at some bistro that maybe you can get on to something. Let me tell you this, they are old enough to be your great grandmother!!!!
3) Go to your hotel's bathroom and sing yourself out loud.
4) Jerk yourself off in your own damn hotel room while thinking of the old foreign lady you met at Restaurant Bapak Kamu
5) Try to come back to KL as soon as you touched down at the new Kuching International Airport.

These are my tips when you are planning to go to some place that you'll feel alone and there's nothing much to do.