Life Is Just A Cycle

We Are Family

2007-07-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

Went to Kota Kinabalu last week for a business trip. I spent 5 days in Kota Kinabalu. This place is becoming better and better. The view of this city is just fantastic (the city is along the coastline). And there are so many developments going on. All things here (Klang Valley) are going there. They are even building a shopping complex called Suria Kota Kinabalu. The Wawasan shopping mall boast a varieties of restaurants. But I noticed there are a lot of Italian food around. One day, when I was having my dinner in a shopping complex, I saw something interesting. I saw a family of 5 eating at McDonalds. And opposite McDonalds is KFC. What is so interesting? Look at the picture below yourself.

A very happy family having a meal at McDonalds. Even Ronald is very happy too. Nothing wrong with this picture right?

But please look carefully, they are having KFC at McD and Ronald is ok with it!

Guess there are no more rivalries between Ronald and Colonel. The McD's staff were so hospitable that they even cleaned up the mess left by the family who had KFC at their premises. Ronald cleaning up Colonel's mess. So wonderful

DONZ' ASS

2007-06-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

Went to a mamak the other day. Didnt even noticed what's the name of the mamak until I looked at the menu board. It's DONASS which can be easily associated with DONZ' ASS!!! I quickly finished my drink and took off. Cant imagine they serve food using a name like DONASS. As if the name of DON is not enough, they even went so far to put an ASS to that name. DONZ, you're really DA MAN.

Pro

2007-06-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

Every car needs to have a number plate right? Even our prime minister's car bears a number plate. But of course, the rules can be bended a bit for the VIPs. I remember our former prime minister used to have a car that bears the number plate of "WAWASAN 2020". And of course the number 1 to 10 are mainly reserved for the royal families. And the ruler of our country has an official car that only has an enblem of our country as the number plate. There are also some nice number plates that I've seen before such as MAF14 (MAFIA) and MAT1 (MATI). But I've never seen something like this!!!!

Stretch 'N' Go

2007-05-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

Not everyone of us has the privilege to have a touch 'n' go card and also a smart tag. I'm one of those under privilege road user who doesn't have the luxury of a touch 'n' go card, not to mention a smart tag! For me, there's no point in having a touch 'n' go card without having a smart tag. Without a smart tag, you still need to stop your car and wind down the window. You will think that there is no difference from paying with cash. But the problem is, there's a lot of difference!

If you pay by cash, you will need to get in line, stop the car, and stretch your whole arm to pay the money to the short armed a.k.a I've been collecting money for 6 hours already so why don't you stretch your arm because i don't feel like stretching mine! I really don't understand why is it so hard for the toll collectors to collect the money from us properly!! I've so many encounters with some short armed toll collectors. The one that I can't forget happened at the Batu Tiga toll. There are 2 extended booths that are located on the far left which are uncovered. On one fateful day, which was raining quite heavily, I happened to drive to the uncovered booth because the queu at the covered toll booth was so freaking long. And when it's my turn to pay the toll charges, the lady inside the booth just placed her arm at the booth window as to avoid the rain water and expect me to stretch out!! As I'm quite relunctant to pay the toll, I also ended up placing my arm on the driver's side window. And the distance of my arm to the short armed lady is like 1000km. So it's a stand off. It lasted for about 3 minutes and I lost because the inside of my car is getting wet due to the heavy rain. And I have to stretch so far that half my body is out the window just to pay the RM 1.10 to the short armed a.k.a I've been collecting money for 6 hours already so why don't you stretch your arm because i don't feel like stretching mine! And because of that, I cursed at her so loud that she forgot she was short armed!

There's also another incident at the Sunway toll. It was before the toll charges went up 60%!!!! While at the toll booth, I stretched my arm out to pay the lady RM1. But as she is a professional toll collector, she can sensed where's my hand at even without looking!! So I just let go of the RM1 and guess what? The professional toll collector has lost her touch and the RM1 note ended up on the roadside. And it is quite amazing that Litrak have the courage to put up posters at all of its booths that says," Please remind me if I forgot to look at you, smile at you and say thank you while collecting the toll charges".

Another incident happened at the 40 cents Bukit Raja toll in Klang. It was around 1 something in the morning. As it is only 40 cents, the toll there doesn't have any barriers as it is not worth it. And as I reach the toll booth ready to pay the 40 cents, to my surprised, the lady inside there is sleeping. And I have to honk for a good 5 seconds to wake her up!! And it just ponders me how can they have the guts the increase the toll charges up to 60%!!! Will improve service wor. Kononlah. It is all still the same!!! But what can we do?? Absolutely nothing except having a demostration at the Sunway toll organised by the opposition party.

Datuk? Tuan? Cikgu? - Just Call Me Bro

2007-04-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

Just quite recently, Federal CID Director, Comm Datuk Christopher Wan said there is no need to address our men in blue as Datuk or Tuan. We can just call them Encik. But I prefer to call them Bro. Just yesterday, I had an encounter with a Bro. I was driving along the LDP near Puchong and then suddenly a traffic policeman (Bro) on a high powered Honda waved to me and instructed me to pull over. As a law abiding citizen, I then pulled over and stopped at the road shoulder. Even though I'm a law abiding citizen, my mind was still thinking, "Did I do anything wrong?". But clearly, I did not. So I pulled out my wallet to get my driver's licence and to check how much money I have just in case I have to 'use' some money. The Bro then asked me to open up my car bonnet. I stepped out of the car to see what he wants and just to make sure he didn't put anything inside my car bonnet. But I can see that the Bro was quite disappointed when there's nothing illegal in my car bonnet. Then I asked him,

Me: Ya Bro. Apa problem?
Bro: Tak de. Nak check bonnet saja. Saya selalu buat random check.
Me: Oohh.
Bro: IC, lesen semua saya tak mau tengok. Saya mau tengok bonnet saja.
Me: Ok (Stunned!!)

How can the Bro not follow the normal procedures where he should check whether I have a valid driving licence or if my road tax is still valid? After all, he's a traffic cop. But I guess this Bro is more interested in what's in my car bonnet rather than if I should be on the road or not. Kudos Bro!!! So, to all of you out there who has an expired driving licence or road tax, there is no need to worry as our Bro is more interested in some other things.

Can You Spot The Difference?

2007-04-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

Do you really want to have a smart car? Personally, I don't mind if i can get one for free but to buy one is out of the question. Its so fucking expensive for a car of that size. But it is powerful, clean and economical. Most important is, it can be driven comfortably in the city where there's so much traffic and so little parking space. Talking about parking, a smart for two car can be parked anyway you liked. It can be parked vertically, horizontally and any 'ly' you want.

Food And Beverage Measuring Device

2007-04-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Ever wish that the food or drinks you have ordered would be worth it? That the food or drink would come in a large portion and taste good? We can often tell whether the food tastes good or not but can you really tell whether the amount of food is worth it or not? If you finished the food, can you say that the quantity of the food is less or if you didn't finish the food, then the quantity of the food is more? Obviously we can't tell because there are going to be so many factors that we have to consider right? BUT, lest not we worry anymore whether the quantity of the food will be worth it or not because our beloved Donz has came up with an ingenius way (up to his standard only la) to measure food!!!

I just came back from Penang yesterday, and the first person who called me when I reached home was, none other than the great Donz himself. He called me out to have dinner. And we went to a Hong Kong styled kopitiam. This is where it gets really interesting. As Donz was browsing the menu, he complained that the menu was too intensive. He just can't make up his mind on what to eat as there are just too many items for him to choose.And after a lot of 'wows' and 'oohs', donz finally made up his mind to have the sizzling chicken chop combo that comes with a soup of the day, a main course, drinks and dessert. The first item to arrive on the table was the watermelon juice. And not to my surprised, Donz complained. This time it was the straw. As the straw is as thick as Donz' dick, he said it is better not to have the straw at all. Same goes to your dick too, Donz. And then, the soup was next. He was showing his tulan face when the waiter presented him with the soup. The soup, he said was not filled to the 'acceptable' level (please refer picture below). And this is also the point where he took his Pall Mall ciggie box and placed it next to the soup to sort of compare the size of the soup with the ciggie box. And this is what I would call the 'Donz Method of measuring food'. This fuck head is measuring food with a ciggie box (20's)!!!

Complaint number 1: The menu is too intensive. And if you are like Donz, where you IQ is sub-zero, do not attempt to browse the menu. It will kill your brain cell.

Donz' watermelon juice. Please take a close look at the thickness of the straw.

Complaint number 2: The size of the straw is exactly the size of Donz' dick.

Tataaa.... The 'Donz Method'. Just place the ciggie box next to your food and you'll know whether it's worth all your penny. According to Donz, the level of the soup is unacceptable. And this is complaint number 3.

And the soup of the day failed miserably in the 'Donz Method' according to the master himself.

According to the 'Donz Method', any food that is 5 times larger than his ciggie box will be considered as in a large portion and anything that is smaller than the ciggie box, well, will be considered as small portion and not worth it. In the 'Donz Method', the quality of the food doesn't matter. What matters the most is the quantity. To apply the 'Donz Method', you will only need a ciggie box and place it next to you food and compare the size of the food with the ciggie box. A 20's ciggie box. It can be of any brands. Not only Pall Mall. It can be Dunhill, Marlboro, Salem, Gudang Garam. But Donz prefer Pall Mall. I guess the Nobel prize judges will be testing out the 'Donz Method' soon and I'm sure the human race will benefit most from this method. And because of this Donz will be the most deserving person to receive the Nobel Prize.

This is me trying out the 'Donz Method'. And Donz gave his nod to this drink. I'm just so pleased that I've made the right choice in choosing this drink where it's worth all my money.

So, after having the soup, then came the main course. The sizzling chicken chop. And what you need to do before devouring your food?? Yeah, you have to place the ciggie box next to the food to know whether it's worth it or not!! But as Donz was about to taste the chicken chop, he noticed he should have a garlic bread but it's not given to him. So he swings into action and confront the waiter. And Donz was very tulan that he couldn't have the garlic bread with his small size soup as he already finished the soup. Anyway, the waiter came back with Donz' garlic bread and also the dessert. And the first thing that you need to do when the food arrives??

Complaint number 4: "I should have the garlic bread with the soup and I've already finished the soup!!!!" OK, lets see how the garlic bread and dessert do in the "Don'z Method". Failed!!!!

Complaint number 5: Where the fuck is the fork and knife?? You supposed I'm gonna eat with my fucking hands???

Apparently, the sizzling chicken chop also failed the 'Donz Method'

Donz showing his tulan face and also acting like a food critic.

Donz enjoying the garlic bread minus the soup.

All being said and tested, Donz managed to finish everything because all the food failed the 'Donz Method', meaning it's all in a small portion!!!.

Victim 1

Victim 2

Victim 3

Please feel free to try out the Donz method. What you really need is only a ciggie box. And before we left, Donz also checked out on the tissue.

Pass or fail?

An Encounter With A Bastard

2007-04-16T16:20:00.000-07:00

I just couldn't agree more with erimin's comments about our government's stand to improve its service. Erimin is just giving his usual slapstick comments about the government's "semangat-ness" to become more competitive or whatever shit. You see, we as Malaysian also hope that the government service will become better and better that maybe one day we'll say "how come the bank's service is so poor. I wish they'll serve like our civil servants." But I don't blame erimin for his "tak semangat-ness" in supporting our government because some of them just let us down, I mean very down. Just today, I had an encounter with a bastard named Ismail Pukimak Bin LanCiao bin Cibai!

I went to a government's department today to meet someone. After meeting the client, he told me that maybe I should also meet one of his colleagues at the next building. So after meeting the first client, I went into the car and called the next client in the next building. But as the phone reception was very minimal, I have to drive around that place to look for a better reception. But then, no one answered the phone. So I decided to park the car and go into the building to look for the client. As I was about to turn into the parking lot, a smashed up Proton Saga was waiting at the junction and the driver ( Ismail Pukimak Bin LanCiao bin Cibai) came out from the car and shouted:

Ismail Pukimak Bin LanCiao bin Cibai: Oooi kenapa pusing pusing??? Kalau you mau parking parking sajalah!!!! Apa pusing pusing!!! You pusing lagi say panggil security you baru tau!!!
Me: Saya mau cari orang Encik. Line sini tak bagus. Saya call dia tapi takde orang jawab. Jadi sekarang saya mau parking dan masuk building itulah.
Ismail Pukimak Bin LanCiao bin Cibai: You mau parking, you parking!!! You jangan pusing pusing. Apa you pusing pusing????
Me: Sekarang saya mau parkinglah. Sorry ya encik.
Ismail Pukimak Bin LanCiao bin Cibai: Pergi!!! Pergi!!!!!!(Back facing me)
Me:Sorrylah encik.
Ismail Pukimak Bin LanCiao bin Cibai: Pergi!!!(Back facing me)

He was just yelling all the time. I was so mad!!! Because all I did was parked the car at one side of the road where the phone reception was good and made a call and then moved the car into the parking lot. That was it!!! And this fuckkhead just came out of no where and started to yell at me!!! I managed to have a glimpse at his pass. His name is Ismail Pukimak Bin LanCiao bin Cibai and his position is PAR a.k.a Pembantu Am Rendah!!!! Pembantu Am Rendah and he's acting like the fucking director!!! I was so hoping that I could meet this fuckhead at the main entrance so that I could kick his ass!!That was not it. When I returned the visitor's pass at the security booth, the security guys asked me what I did just now as someone just scolded them that there was a visitor who parked at the director's parking spot. What the fuck???? First of all, I was so fucking innocent and then the fuckhead actually accused me of parking at the director's spot??? Then I told the security guards what actually happened and their hospitality level were so fucking high that they apologized to me and said that the fuckhead is one ego bastard who didnt go to school. Just imagine this, I was there on business purposes. I went in legally by putting my IC with the security guard and I have a visitor's pass on me. It's not like I went in there illegaly. Then one of the security guard asked;

Security 1:Dia tu (Ismail Pukimak Bin LanCiao bin Cibai) ketua unit ke?
Security 2:Ketua unit apa??? Dia tu potong kayu je (even mimicking a carpenter sawing a wood). PAR, Pembantu Am Rendah.

So, to my beloved government, it's not that I don't want to support you. But how am I gonna do it when a fucking PAR doesn't even know how to respect the people.

7-1??

2007-04-13T16:05:00.000-07:00

It's a european tie for god's sake! Not a fucking wrestling match! I really don't believe that MU can beat Roma 7-1. It's just bullshit. Here's my theory, it's a fucking conspiracy. You see, in the first leg, Roma beat them 2-1, and not only that, the MU fans also got quite a beating, from the Rome's police. And I would be telling you a lie if I said I didn't enjoy every second of it. It was great to see MU and their fans got beaten. But then, as the Rome's police were fully utilising their batons on the MU fans, Roma might be in deep shit. They might need to play in an empty stadium for 1 year if the european football governing body found them guilty of incapability to handle the crowds, thus causing crowd troubles. So, in order for them not to be charged , they were told to 'kasi muka' to MU. And matters would get out of hand too if Roma were to beat MU in the second leg, which I do not have a single doubt that they can do it. Because if Roma were to beat MU in the second leg, the MU fans would get so angry that they'll whack any Italians they saw, just like in a mafia movie. And the crowd troubles might spread to all over europe. So Roma have to give in. But that's not the end. They were also told that they have to let in 7 goals so that the MU fans would be extremely delighted that they'll forget about the beatings in Rome. So 7-1 it is. But all of us can see how pissed off the Italians were, even before the match started, especially Totti. Sigh....Anyway, I really hope that MU can advance to the final so that Liverpool can show them how to really play football without involving politics. But then again, I also hope that the Milan police will not fall for the same trick again, staged by the MU fans.

Meow!!!!!

2007-04-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, for your information, I'll be going to the most boring place that I've ever been to. Again!!! That place is called Kuching. Sigh Really hope that I'll not get any stinking taxi driver anymore. Because I'll fucking kill them!!!! Just wanna come back even before I go there. Thats how bad it is.

Shoot My Head Please.......

2007-04-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

The other day, Donz came to look for me at my place. And as usual, when he reached my place, he'll lit a ciggie and just stand in front of the gate, smoking and cursing my dog (Donz didn't like dogs very much as he was raped by a friend's dog when he was 14). But to his credit, he did try to be nice to my dog before, but come to think of it, maybe he wants to be fucked by a dog one more time.

So, he came to my place and he told me he had this migrane for a good few days already. And i suggested to him that he get some panadol actifast that can really work wonders. Then we went to a 7-11 near my place and got some panadols. While at the 7-11, I suddenly had an urge to have ice-cream. And Donz being Donz, of course he also want an ice-cream. So the two of us just like some fucking kids, ended up having ice-cream outside 7-11 and of course it has to be complimented with a stick of Dunhill for Donz. Next to the 7-11 is a mamak. And it has a burger stall. I told Donz that I wouldn't get any Ramly burgers from this stall. And Donz asked me why? Have you ever seen or would you ever get a ayam special prepared by an errr..... Indian???

While we were enjoying the ice-cream, suddenly two or three vans and a fucking lorry pulled up at the mamak with the sound of screeching tyres. Its like a scene from the Young and Dangerous flick or some Hong Kong triad movie where some gangsters are about to smash the mamak stall and also the mamak. Guys with walkie talkie then came out from the vans. Any innocent bystanders would think that these are some new village gangsters. But gangsters don't come with uniforms!!! These are actually enforcement officers from the municipality!!!! They came to confiscate all the tables and chairs placed outside the restaurants. And also the burger stall. There are officers taking pictures of the place as well. Kononlah. And straight away I told Donz that they wouldn't even take a stone from this place. It was a funny scene. We can see customers of the mamak stall carrying the tables and chairs with food and drinks on the table into the restaurants. But one guy stood firm. It was the burger flipping Indian guy. He was still so busy flipping burgers that he ignored the enforcement officers. But then he quickly flipped the burgers and hurrily pushed the burger stall to the back lane. And guess what was our beloved Donz doing at this very moment? He was taking photo with his camera phone with flash somemore. And I can see some enforcement officers noticed that Donz was taking pictures. And what I fear is that Donz's ass will get kicked by these guys because obviously they came not to confiscate some plastic tables and chairs. Ooohh, and the burger stall too.Anyhow, they came, they saw and they left. They took something but not the plastic tables and chairs, oopps, and the burger stall. It was back to business as usual after errrr....15 minutes?? After all this, Donz finally took the panadol and his headache was gone in less than 15 minutes.

A Treat For Your Soul

2006-10-30T15:45:00.000-08:00

My colleagues and I went to Souled Out the other day for an outing sponsored by our company. Around 30 of us were there including da boss. I reached there around 6.30 pm and some of my colleagues were already there. Then when I found my spot, the captain came to me and asked:

Captain : Have you ordered your drink boss?
Me : Nope. Not yet. Not sure what to drink.
Captain : Let me make the decision for you ok? Trust me!
Me : Sure

Then, the waiter brought me a glass of beer called KilKenny (reminds me of Kenny of South Park where he got killed at the end of every episode). The question is, how the fuck he knows that I wanted a beer?? Do I look like a freaking beer lover? But of course I love beers lar. KilKenny was quite nice but a little mild. Drank 5 or 6 of it and each one cost RM20!! Had a fun outing. We ate all kind of stuff. Sake san (salmon pizza), sate, pizzas, dory fish, bbq salmon, calamari and a lot more. And the bill for our outing.....RM5000!!!

After Souled Out, a few of my colleagues and I and of course da boss went to another place, a pub to be precise and continue drinking. And after that, we went to another place, a pub to be precise and continue drinking. Fuhh!!! Half drunk that day.

Round 1

Round 2

Round 3. I was too drunk to take pictures.

Hail The Rap And Boy Band King

2006-10-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Had another karaoke outing. And this time, we discovered a new king. Hail the rap and boy band king Donz da man. As I've said in my previous post (Fuckien King), Donz is probably the only guy I know that are into boy band. I already know that he raps. He was like a superstar that day, that all of us took out our camera phone and started to snap his picture. He was singing songs by Puff Daddy, then P. Diddy and of course (shit! I hate to even mention this name) Backstreet Boys. Niamakehai. Donz, you are really da man!

"I did it my way................."

Where Are You Ramly?

2006-10-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

Had an urge to eat those delicious Ramly burger the other day. Had been a while since I tasted one. Just craving for one, maybe two 'ayam special'. The tender and juicy meat covered with eggs, mayo and cheese. Yummy!! So I went to a burger stall to get one or maybe two. BUT!!! to my disappointment, (just look at the picture below) Ramly was not there!!! I wonder how the fuck these guys do business. They can just leave their fucking stall unattended for like half an hour. Of course I'm not stupid enough to wait half an hour for Ramly to come! I just went to the food court next to the burger stall feeling disappointed. That's how I know Ramly was not there for half an hour because I just keep staring at the fucking stall and for a moment I just feel like manning the stall or just flip a few burgers for myself! I wonder how Ramly can spread its legacy around the world and do you know that it is banned in Singapore. Sigh.... Singaporean.....

And so on...and so on.........

2006-10-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

Isn't it frustrating that no matter what you are doing, it's just a routine that there comes a time that you just feel like not doing it anymore. It doesn't matter if you are working or not. If you are working, your life would probably starts with you waking up early in the morning, you shit, goes to work, eat , watch TV, sleep, wake up, shit, goes to work, eat and so on. And the money you get from working goes to:
i) your food so you can continue shitting
ii) petrol so you can drive to work
iii)housing loan so you have a place to watch tv and sleep
iii) electric bill so you can watch TV and sleep in an air-cond room

And what's the difference if you're not working? There's no difference except it's much more better because you don't even need to wake up early in the morning to go to work and you're living off your parents. Just tell me one thing that you do is not a routine...

Come to think of it, I think going to school is not a routine! Because when I go to school I didn't know what to do there. Everyday is a brand new day for me at school. Not like when you are working where you already know what you need to do.......everyday!!!!

A Malaysian In Singapore

2006-10-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

Every single time when I am in Singapore I would feel very uneasy. It's because Singaporeans are such a sophisticated law abiding citizens that it's really hard for anyone to break the law there especially if you are not one of them. In Malaysia, it is so easy to break the law...

chewing gums?? No problem
smoke anywhere you like then just throw the ciggie butt on the floor?? No problem
throw rubbish anywhere you like?? No problem
spit?? No problem

As a smoker, I find it really hard for me to express myself through smoking in Singapore. Just imagine I can't even smoke at an open hawker stall. All the tables had a sign; "No Smoking By Law". And eventhough I managed to find a place to smoke, there is no rubbish bins for me to throw the ciggie butt. And where the hell am I suppose to throw it?? On the floor?? I really don't dare to do that. I later found out that the Singapore government had removed quite a number of rubbish bins especially at the MRT station as a counter-terrorism move. Wtf!!

Singapore is a really clean country. I mean super duper clean as compared to our Malaysia. Their Chinatown is so clean that I can see my own face on the tiles!! I can't even see a plastic bag or tissues on the floor. Not to mention ciggie butt. Talking bout Chinatown in Singapore. There was once when I passed by a souvenier stall and I overheard some of the Singaporeans saying ...."Malaysia, very dangerous one ler." Yah! You're right cocksucker!! Don't let me see your fucking face in Malaysia. And if I do, I'll kick your ass so hard that you'll land right back at Singapore!

But there is one thing that I really enjoy doing in Singapore. Cross a road. It's really fun!! The rules of road crossing anywhere in the world would be to look at your left, then right and then left before crossing depending on the traffic flow . Not in Singapore. If you see a zebra crossing, you can just walk straight to the other side of the road without looking anywhere. Just look straight. All the cars will stop to let you cross. You don't need to wait for the car to stop. You just walk. I really like doing that in Singapore. I would cross the same road a few times just to enjoy my sense of authority over the Singaporeans. Back in Malaysia, I'd suggest that you order your own coffin before doing that.

I believed that Singaporeans do look down on Malaysians. They always feel superior compared to us. They drive big cars not Protons, they earn big bucks (exchange rate higher than RM) and they're living in an ultra modern city where crime rates are pretty low. Why do I think that they look down on us? Just look at the picture below!!

This is the view that I get for being a Malaysian staying in a Singapore hotel!

Fuckien King

2006-09-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

A few of my mates and I went to the karaoke the other day just to have some fun. Erimin, Kar Weng, Tat and eFun. All of us are approaching our thirty except this fuckhead eFun. The interesting thing is, eFun who is only 23 ( he is actually Donz aka Da Man's friend but ended up with us eventually, like always) is a hokkien songs junkie! just like Tat. Those his age are supposed to be idolising or listening to some fucking gay boyband like all the other gay bastards out there (and by the way, I can say for the others here as well we fucking hate boyband!!! except Donz maybe) All night long he was singing hokkien song either by himself or a duet with Tat! Macauhai!!! (only the two of them can get high singing hokkien songs). Anyway, it was a fun outing. Looking forward to another karaoke session with the Fuckien King.

Fuckhead belting out his favourite number "Su su niam niam"

Fuckhead getting emotional with another of his hokkien ballad

Dangerous

2006-09-26T09:52:00.000-07:00

I went to Penang last week (driving) for a business trip. Had a very fucking scary accident near Taiping. It was raining heavily and I lost control of my car. The fucking car just swerved to my left and I juct can't control the fucking car. At that very moment, I was overtaking a fucking lorry. Luckily I didnt hit the lorry. But, I ended up hitting the roadside bar instead. It was quite an impact as the sound was so loud. There goes my car I thought. And after the impact, one of the wheels were broken. The car just wouldn't move straight eventhough the position of the steering is straight. Called AAM and they said I have to wait for 45 minutes for the tow truck to arrive!! I don't mind waiting but it was so fucking dangerous to have your car parked at the emergency lane of a 2 lane highway and to make matters worse, it was raining heavily. To be safe, I got out of my car and divert the traffic. I was all soaked up!! It was really dangerous as all the fucking lorries and buses were speeding like there's no tomorrow. And when they passed my car, it was just inches away. When the fucking tow truck finally arrived, my car was towed to a nearby workshop and after some inspection by the mechanic, it was found that a steel connecting the wheel to the suspension was crooked. That's because of the impact! Got it fixed and carry on my journey to Penang.

My Fucking Spanking New Nike Air Max

2006-09-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

Just bought a fucking 'nike air max 97 rejuvenation' yesterday. Cost me RM500!! Macauhai. But have been longing for one. Coincidentally, the previous pair that I have was also a 97 model bought in 1997. Can't wait to wear this muthafucker. It looked so beautiful!!!!!

Hamsap Wong Has Left The Country

2006-09-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

My mate, Wong has again gone back to New Zealand. He came back to Malaysia a couple of months ago and every time he came back there will be something new about him. The last time he came back, he is a fucking photographer and this time he's a fucking vegetarian!!!! Mahai! This guy really likes food. Everytime he comes back, he would order all kind of food because he can't get so many varieties of food in New Zealand and it's cheap. But now, he's a vegetarian. I really don't know how this fuck head manage to do it. He's been eating greens for close to half a year now. And he planned to do it for at least a year. Another thing is, he decided to let go the Malaysian passport. So now he only holds the New Zealand passport. The reason is, it will be easier for him to travel around Europe. Good luck to you hamsap Wong.

Hamsap Wong having his last meal (yee mee and I assure you it's only yee mee and lots of vege)

A Tribute To My Fucking Dog

2006-09-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

You muthafuckers out there don't laugh when I said I'm deeply depressed now because of a dog. Last week my fucking dog (the English cocker Spaniel) was sent to the Society for the prevention of cruelty to animals (SPCA) because he was too ill and there was no one at home to take care of him. The worst part is I don't even have the opportunity to see him before being sent to SPCA as I was in Singapore. Due to his illness (epilepsy), he would vommit and urinate not even knowing it. All this happened during seizure. And after that he would be so dizzy that he can't even walk properly. And because of this, he would end up banging his head to the wall. So, a decision was made to send him to the SPCA as there would be professionals to look after him. But we have to give him to SPCA for good. Meaning we can't have him back. It's really tough. I really miss that fucker a lot. Will go to SPCA soon to visit him. Hope that he's ok and fine. Will remember you always........and be tough!!!!!

Goodbye

2006-08-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

It was Aida's last day at work. She has worked for the company for 5 years. Kind of emotional for her as she was really attached to the company. We had a farewell for her on her last day of work. Anyway, she left for greener path. All the best to you and it's a wonderful experience working together with you.

Beware

2006-08-07T17:40:00.000-07:00

Never ever put a laptop bag (even if it doesn't contain a laptop) into your car boot when you alight from your car especially when you are in a shopping mall's carpark. This is because there will probably be some assholes lurking around the carpark searching for some innocent people who did just that. And they will fucking smash your windscreen to get the bag from your car boot.

That is exactly what happened to my buddy, Ah Sing. Last week, me and my buddies including Ah Sing went to our futsal session at Endah Parade. And just as I was leaving the carpark, Ah Sing called me and he said his car's driver side mirror got smashed. And he lost a bag which looked like a laptop bag but it's not. Inside the bag was some cheques. He put the bag into the car boot when he arrived at Endah Parade. That was why he was one of the targets.

The fucking weird thing is, he parked his car at a crowded and well lit place. And there were security guards ( which looked like Gurkha to me, they all looked like some fucking wrestlers) all over the place. When Ah Sing went to the security office to lodge a report, he saw that the parking was secured with CCTVs. So he asked for the footage but the security manager said that the CCTVs were not working. Mahai!!. So next time when you want to put something in your car boot, do it at home or somewhere safe. Not in a carpark.

Believe It Or Not

2006-07-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

I have two dogs at home. One is a fucking terrier mix and the other one is an English Cocker Spaniel. Both are male and they have a history of illness. The former has been hospitalised before as he eats just anything. I mean anything from durians, durians' seeds, dead rat and grass (just like a fucking cow!!!). Because of his openness to anything that he thought was food, he vommits whenever his system can't digest some of the things that he ate especially grass as his stomach doesn't have the enzyme to digest it. There was once when he just kept vommiting that I had to sent him to the hospital and end up spending close to RM600 to cure that fucker!!!

Then, there is the Cocker Spaniel. Sigh..............This little guy is only 2 years old but have an incurable illness, first detected when he was one. It's called epilepsy or seizure. The seizure first occurred last year and it was for every hour. So the poor fella will seizure every fucking hour!!!! The doctor told me that there are two ways to control it. One is to give him a drug called barbiturate. Another is to let him 'sleep'. Wtf. I can't let my dog die. So I gave him barbiturate and it managed to control the seizure. Eventhough barbiturate can control the seizure but it can't heal it, so the seizure will occurs once in a while. For my dog's case, it was once in maybe three months. But last Monday, the poor fella had seizure again. It was quite serious. Once in every two fucking hour. The poor fella can't even walk properly because he was too tired due to the seizure. I have to increase the dosage of barbiturate for him. I'm really worried and it's really heart wrecking to see him this way.

My parents, being a devoted Buddhist and a strong believer in God went to a medium the other day to sought God's help. I really don't know what the fuck are they trying to do. So they went to a medium ( a lady) and after some prayers the medium invited the god into her body and conversed with human beings (my parents). And God in the medium's body told my parents that our ancestors like our dog very much and wanted the poor fella to be a vegetarian. Mahai!!! A fucking dog to be a vegetarian???? And by doing this it will heal my fucking dog???

I have studied science for so many fucking years and I have a strong background in science. I know what is epilepsy and I also know the only way to control it was phenol barbiturate. And it has a side effect to the liver. So besides giving the poor fella barbiturate, we have to also give him some supplements so that his liver will not overworked. This is what I believed. Anyway, I really hope that he will be okay.

The aftermath of epilepsy

World Cup Gathering

2006-07-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

It was the Germany versus Argentina game (30th June 2006). All the mates were at my home to watch the match. Donz, Kar Weng and Tat. Eddie couldn't make it coz he needs to get a bus ticket to Penang for his mom. It has been since a while since all four of us gathered together. It was fun. Had some beers and cursed throughout the match.

Birthday Boy

2006-07-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Belated Birthday My Man

Donz da man
29th June 1978 - present

I Bet You Will

2006-06-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

The other day while I was channel surfing, I came across this MTV production, I Bet You Will. I have watched it before just to kill some time. This is how the show works. They'll have a few host at different locations, normally at some college. They will walk around and ask if anybody will do some tasks like eating shit and they will earn some money if they completed the task.

But then it strucked me that those sohai who are willing to do the task are really sohais and the producers of the show are really smart. This is a simple and low budget show! What they'll need is a host, a camera and that's it! They don't need no actors or stunt man. The actors are those idiot college students. The tasks that you'll need to complete are like eating pig's testicles for $200; drink drain water for $50; get yourself painted from head to toe including your nike snickers for $50; get your car sprayed for $200 ; see how many dicks (hotdogs) you can put in your mouth for $50. See how Americans exploit cheap labour!! I think the producers only need a few thousand bucks to produce this show but they will earn like a few hundred thousands from commercials in return. This is no fear factor where you'll know that if you can be the fearless one you can win $50 000. I'd do whatever it takes to win $50 000. I don't give a damn if I have to eat some nasty things. But to get your car sprayed for a mere $200??? They can go fuck themselves. So now you know how clever and stupid is the Gwai Lohs. Talk about exploitation.

Come to think about it, this is how the Americans do business in China. Exploitation of cheap labour again!! Of course I do understand that if you are in business, you'll look for way to cut down on expenses. But then, if you managed to cut down the cost, then sell at a lower price where you'll know that you still make enough money. But that's not what the Americans are doing. See how much is a pair of nike shoe made in China. It's the same as though it was made in America!!! Still expensive. And now not only nike. Even Timberland shoes are made in China. And the price is still the same as though it was made in UK. Macauhai!! And M&M's too. Now when you purchased an M&M's, I bet it was made in China and not Australia anymore. The selling price is the same but it taste different. This is how to maximise your profit, just go and open a fucking factory in China . Proton should do that too. Here's a better one. MAS should hire Chinese nationals to be their pilot, steward, stewardess and ground staff so that they can overturn their deficits and make profit for once. I Bet They Will.

Zoo Negara

2006-06-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

The last time I visited the zoo was like 20 years ago. I can't remember clearly about my only trip to the zoo so far but there are some blurry images when I came to think about it. I can still remember the main entrance, the cages with animals in it, the snakes and also the aquarium. I wonder how is the zoo now. I wonder if it has been transformed into a modern and high-tech zoo with animals like the komodos and hyennas in it. So, out of curiousity, I went to the zoo a couple of days ago to see weather the zoo has changed.

To my disappointment, the zoo had not changed a bit! Macauhai, it's been 20 years and it is still the same! Lets start with the ticketing counter and the main entrance. The main entrance still remains the same and I believed that the ticketing auntie is the same one from 20 years ago! When I walked over to the counter to get the tickets, guess what was the auntie doing? She was playing the 'used to be popular 15 years ago gameboy wannabe', the brick game a.k.a tetris.

The main entrance

The first animal that I saw was the monkey. They were in a pathetic conditions. In fact, all the animals there were in a pathetic condition. The cages were filthy and smelly and I strongly believed that the cages were the same from 20 years ago. Here are some mugshots that I took of the monkeys.

Very sad monkey

Very naughty monkey

Monkeys in uniform

Look at this poor fella. It has a tumor on its butt!! The zoo fuckers don't even bother to do something. This monkey only has one side of its butt to sit on

And guess what the monkeys do when they are bored? They will have a karaoke session. A 15 minutes karaoke session. And I guess they even have monkeys GRO.

One of the few funny things that I saw in the zoo was the wild boar. Yup, wild boar. Come on!!!! You can't put something which is on the menu in a zoo! I guess our zoo doesn't have any other animals to be shown. If they can have wild boar then why don't they include chickens, ducks, crabs, squids and prawns as well. Sohai!!

"San chu". Choose the fattest one and the zoo's chef will cook it for you

Next stop is the reptiles. There are a few crocodiles and some snakes. I saw one fucking huge anaconda. As we all know, anaconda is the biggest snake in the whole fucking world. But the one I saw is the size of a worm.

Snake fucking!!

See how big is this snake. But this is not an anaconda. It's a fucking python

Here are the rest of the mugshots and shitshots. Elephants, tiger, giraffe. Basically, our zoo is a fucking big let down.

Tiger doing his business

Elephant after shitting

Elephant shit

Giraffe

Not Again!

2006-06-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

Djibril Cisse has broken his leg AGAIN!!!! Macibai. It's the second time in two years!! Last year he broke his left leg during a game against Blackburn and now he has broken his tibula on the right leg during a friendly just before the World Cup. And now he'll be missing the greatest show on earth. I'm really sorry for him. I believed he must be damn pissed and frustrated as he worked so hard just to get back to playing football when he broke his leg last year. Just imagine going through the pain and aganoy all over again. This is just like Bill Murray in the movie, Groundhog Day.

Promosi Biotek

2006-06-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

When I was doing my postgraduate studies, I was part of the National Biotechnology Directorate team that organized the promotion of biotech to schools in Malaysia. My designation in this team was a facilitator. My first trip of 'Promosi Biotek" was to Alor Setar. There are normally 20 of us for each trip and around 300 participants.

The objectives of 'Promosi Biotek' are to promote awareness to school children and expose them to biotechnology. The 'Promosi Biotek' program will start with a lecture by a few professors. Then the students will be divided into groups where they will be involved in three activities:
i) DNA
ii) Computer simulation
iii) Dolly

For DNA, the students will be given a kit that comprises onions, chopsticks, lysis buffer, isopropanol, pipettes and some tubes. What the students need to do here are to extract the onions' DNA. It's a simple experiment that takes around 45 minutes. For computer simulation, the students will play around with an interactive software and they'll need to answer some questions after that. For Dolly the sheep, it's a board game.

I have a lot of memories during the 'Promosi Biotek' trip. First of all, it is an honour to be part of the team. For all the places that we went, if it's near an airport, we will go by flight. If not we have to go buy a bus. The worst experience going by a bus was to Rompin in Pahang (near Johor border). The journey took 8 Fucking hours!!!(from Bangi). For our accommodation, we will stay in a 5 star hotel. If a 5 star hotel is not available, we will take the best available. For food, we will go for the hotel's buffet. And the best thing is, each of us got paid RM400 for a day's work (normally, it's a 2 days work). If CC, Bros and me were together for a trip, all hells will break lose!. CC and I will bring a bottle of liquor and we will enjoy the Chivas or Swing every night. Then the next day we'll get hang-over. Just imagine going through all those shit I mentioned up there with your head fucked-up! There was a few incidents where Bros was quite drunk. And it was funny seeing this fat ass drunked! He was totally out when we were in Malacca. That night the three of us drank a whole bottle of Tupac's favourite, Hennessy. After we finished drinking, we hang out at the hotel lobby. Then, suddenly Bros disappeared. After a while, CC and I went looking for that fat ass. We went to the pool side and there was a foul smell. CC and I were still able to joke that maybe Bros vommitted into the pool. Then out of nowhere, Bros came out. He said that he is very drunk and that he had vommitted. We asked him where he puke? And he just stood there, stoned pointing to the pool. Niamacibai!!! This fat ass really puked into the pool. And that's not the only place he puked. He also left his mark at one of the entrance to the lobby. And he still can joked that the hotel cleaner will be damn pissed. The next memorable incident happened in a place called Jengka, Pahang. As usual we had the hang-over after the previous night's booze session. Bros was incharged of explaining the theory of DNA extraction to some innocent looking students. While he was explaining, something just burst out from his mouth. It was puke!! And he just told the other colleagues that he is sick. There was also an incident where CC was drunk. We had half a bottle of Swing the other night, just the two of us. We started drinking at around 12.30am until 2.30 am and had to wake up at 6.30 am. So the next morning, CC can't even walk properly. While in the bus he asked me to get some panadols for him as his head was spinning at 6000rpm.. So I asked around. No one have any panadols except some girls who have the panadol menstrual. No harm right as long as it is panadol. I took two and gave it to CC. And it managed to cool down his headache. So now we know that panadol menstrual can be used as a normal panadol. During the tour, we also managed to organize a snooker league. Those who were interested will pay a certain amount of money to join the league and the champion will get the biggest share. We called it the 'Le Tour de Snooker'. The most memorable place that we went will be JB. We spent a week there. The first thing we do when we arrived in JB was to go to the duty free zone to get 2 crates of beer. But the first night itself, CC's aunt came over and took us to a pub called 'Orang-Orang' and we drank from 6.30pm till like 2.00am. Never really touched the two crates that we bought till the final two days. And as usual, Bros was............... again!!! Bros was sharing another room with Mazlan and CC and I were in one room. So for the drinking part, Bros have to come over and join us. So, when Bros was drunk, he just crashed at our room. But when he woke up the next day, he dared to ask us why he was sleeping in our room!!!!! Muthafucker. Sigh..................

FA Cup Champions

2006-06-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

I know it's a little bit late to post this but this is history.

LIVERPOOL
FA CUP WINNERS 2006

Mafioso

2006-05-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

I'll make him an offer he wouldn't refuse

That's what the great Don Corleone always said and it has become a classic phrase. I'm really into anything and everything about mafia. I have loads of mafia movies, books, games and posters. I've just purchased The Godfather game lately. I still haven't got the chance to try that game as I am going to get a new desktop (hopefully) and I'm quite busy lately. But I've watched Godfather- the trilogy for a trillion times and read the book a couple of times. Just recently I went to a shopping mall to get some DVDs. While I was browsing for some movies, a guy walked into the shop and asked for the Godfather box set. This guy looked like Napoleon Dynamite and he was asking for one of the greatest films of all time. The funny thing is he asked the shop owner weather the DVD is already clear or not!!! What the fuck! The Godfather part I was like 40 years old and he was asking about the quality of the picture!!. This asshole should be in hell. Anyway, the greatest movie of all time if you ask me will be Goodfellas. Those of you who haven't watch this movie should go and get it and for those of you who haven't heard about the Goodfellas can go and fuck yourself.

East Coast

2006-05-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm in Terengganu on a business trip. Well, nothing much in Terengganu except beaches. There's a guy here name Ong who is sort of our guide. Asked him what's the best thing to do here and the answer is nothing. There's really nothing here. No pubs (except on some of the islands), no cinema, no entertainment and even no Mcdonald's. The nearest McD is 2 hours drive from Kuala Terengganu. I'm staying in a place called the Gem Beach Resort. Nothing much to shout about this place. But it's okay except the toilet. It sucks. We can't control the fucking water heater. So the water is just hot all the time. The best thing about this place is it faces the sea.

It's quite pathetic because this is the state that produces the most petroleum and gas in our country and yet the infrastucture is so poor. It should be some great fucking place like Dubai or something. With the petroleum and gas industry here it should've been a stimulant to the economy and produces a lot of job opportunity and in return this place should have been great. But it is not.

Sri Muda

2006-05-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

When I shifted to Shah Alam, we stayed in a place called Taman Sri Muda. I really don't know why my parents chosed this place in the first place. It was so far away from our roots in KL. It was a new area then. Can't really remember all the neighbours. Everyone just kept everything to themselves. I was really upset, to have shifted to a place so far and have to make friends all over again. Back in KL, I know all my neighbours and I have so many friends and memories there.

So I ended in Sri Muda, Shah Alam. Never really have any friends in Shah Alam though, as I was schooled in Klang. The friends that I have in Sri Muda were those who goes to the same school as me. Just a few of them. The first impression about Sri Muda was, it's not a good place to live in as it is surrounded by factories (Shah Alam being the industrial hub for Selangor). The composition of the races who stays in Shah Alam was quite equal between the chinese, malays and indians.

Then disaster strucked! It was in 1995. I can still remember it quite clearly. It was Christmas eve. I was working in Jusco Klang after my SPM. It was raining the whole day. After work, my colleague offered to send me home with his bike (if not, I have to take a fucking bus and I'll reach home around midnight). It was still raining. When we reached the entrance to Sri Muda, I saw a lot of cars parked at the roadside and there were traffic police at the entrance stopping vehicles who wanted to get in. It was chaos. As I walked to my house, I saw some of the lower areas were already flooded and waters in the drain was spilling out. It was mud water not rain water. As I reached my home around 11 something, I informed my father that some of the areas were flooded and he just answered me, "It will be okay. Nothing will happen". He was sleeping. So I thought, " What the heck". I just went straight to bed. Then around 5 something in the morning, my father came knocking on the door calling out my name and telling me to wake up and help move the furniture. When I went down to the living room and outside the house, I saw the road was already flooded. My house was still safe. But the water was rising quickly. It took only 20 minutes for the flood water to rise till my waist. Then one by one the electric and then the phone line went down. It was pitch dark and the situation was like a war zone. When the sun came up, I went to look for my friends and we took a walk around the neighborhood. The whole of Sri Muda was flooded. And people actually broke into 'Hope In' convenient store and grabbed everything. The flood water only subsided after 3 days. There were nothing much to do during that 3 days. Just look at the 'scene'. When I had to take a leak, I just piss in the flood water like what people usually do in public swimming pool. When I had to shit, I just shit in a plastic bag or plastic container and just let it float in the flood water. It was back to the basics. No proper food, no bathing for 3 days.

After the flood, the chinese started moving out as they can't bear another episode of flooding. That's when the problem started with Sri Muda. When the chinese leaves, the indians came in. And the ratio of the races is not even equal anymore. Sri Muda is becoming less and less pleasant to stay in. Crime rates soared to a record high, criminals were born, and soon Sri Muda became a 'black area'. One of my mates Wong, who is residing in New Zealand will come back to Sri Muda once in a while as his mom is still staying there. Wong stayed in Sri Muda for 3-4 years. He came back last year. One day, he told me that he took a cab from KL to go back to Sri Muda.

Cab driver: Wahhh!!!! Sri Muda arrr. Itu tempat banyak teruk arr. Banyak kes. Saya pun takut mau pigi sana.....(hinting that Wong might require to pay more)

Wong : Yahlor. Saya duduk sana pun manyak takut worrr...

Cab driver: Hari itu arr saya punya saudara dia pun bawak teksi. Dia bawak satu customer mau pigi Sri Muda lar. Sampai Sri Muda arr itu customer ambik pisau keluar mau rompak dia. Lepas itu dia kena tikam dekat perut!!!!! Masuk hospital...

Wong: Wahhhhhhhh!!!! Manyak horror...

Cab driver: Lepas itu arrr, dia keluar hospital . Dia sudah sembuh lar. Dia pun bawak teksi balik lar. Lagi dia kena rompak dekat Sri Muda!!! Sekarang dia tak mau masuk Sri Muda lagi!!!!

Wong: (stunned!)

They keep on chatting till they reached Sri Muda. Just before the taxi enters Sri Muda, the cab driver took out his walkie-talkie and said:

Cab driver: Roger! Roger! Sekarang saya sudah mau masuk Sri Muda arr... Saya ulang, sekarang saya sudah mau masuk Sri Muda. Sekarang ialah pukul 5.25 petang. Roger! Roger!

What the fuck!! He needs to inform his colleagues when he is entering Sri Muda!! Besides Indians, there are also a lot of Banglas, Myanmars, Vietnams and I also don't know where the fuck they came from who lives in Sri Muda. It's just like the United Nations. All the muthafuckers who stays there except a tiny portion including me and family are fuckos!! Just imagine, the 'mat rempit' (mat motor) who rent a house in Sri Muda will turn the house into a fucking workshop and they will try to modify their fucking bike day and night to try to get into the Moto GP I guessed without thinking about other people who stays near them. This is because, while they are modifying their fucking bikes, they will just blast the fucking motor. It is so loud and they just don't give a fuck!!. Then there are those fucking Indian songs, fuckos who parks their car in the middle of the road and quite a lot of fuckers who turned their house into a fucking temple and a lot more lar!!!. Sigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But..........I'm not staying there anymore. That's right. I'm out of that shit hole!!!!! Right now i'm staying in an upscale area in Puchong. I'm just so happy.
FUCK YOU Sri Muda's inhabitants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sales and Service Support Meeting 2006

2006-05-18T13:30:00.000-07:00

The company that I'm working for had its Sales and Service Support Meeting in Malacca from 11th May - 14th May 2006. Well, it was full of incidents. First, Kok (new sales guy) was involved in an accident at the Seremban rest area, To (IT engineer) fractured his ankle during war game and got to be operated and PC Foong (North Area Manager) sprained his wrist. Overall it was a fun outing. There were approximately 40 of us and we stayed at the A' Famosa Hotel. It was nice and spacious.

The hotel room when I first got in. I swear it doesn't look this nice when I left.

We had one and a half day of meeting. Normal shit. Then we also had some sports activities for the purpose of team building. All of us were divided into 4 groups including the bosses. I was in group A and we decided to call ourselves "Buaya". Yah, buaya, because we like to 'buaya' people. We had to play some sports every evening. The first day, we had to play some kiddies game. But let me tell you it's no easy game as at the end of the day, my whole body was aching. That's the consequence if you don't excersice and smoke a pack a day. Then the next day we have to build a raft and cross a fucking man-made river which is 30 fucking feet deep!!!

This is how the game works. We were given 7 long bamboo sticks about 10 feet long (still shorter than my dick) and 4 short bamboo sticks, 3 tyres and some strings. We have to build a raft out of all this shit and guess what? Team Buaya build one which is out of this world. Everyone else build a mainstream one where the 4 short bamboos were used to hold the 7 long ones and the 3 tyres were placed at the bottom of the raft to make it float. I don't even know how to describe the raft that we built. Just see it yourself!

Team Buaya and its fucking raft. Normally the 7 long bamboos will be placed on top of the short ones and see how we placed it! Aren't we geniuses.

The consequences to our sophistication? The fucking raft overturned!!!

The aftermath

After all, it was a good experience as we really learned the meaning of team work and never say die attitude. In the end, we did finished the game and we are proud of it. Then, the next day, we played something which are categorized as 'extreme' sport, WAR GAME. I never play it before. First, we were given instructions of what we are supposed and not supposed to do.

The do's:
1) Just go out there and shoot all the muthafuckers anywhere you like

The don't's:
1) Don't shoot at your opponent once he / she has surrendered. But if he / she didn't noticed, just keep blasting.

As most of us are newbies to this game, we asked a lot of fucking questions like:
1) Q: is it painful to get shoot at?
A: Yes. You will get a blue black spot for a few days

2) Q: What will happened if I got shot at the crotch?
A: You can't use it for 2 weeks.

3) Q: What if I ran out of bullets? (the bullets are made of vegetable oil and gellatin)

A: Just put down the fucking gun and run for your life or you can try get the opponents' flag where you might end up dead.

So, we have four teams. 2 v 2 and the winner will advance to the final stage. As I'm a professional shooter, team Buaya never really had problems advancing to the final. And in the final, wewill be facing this team which is really not in our league. But, they have the CEO in it. So we have to be careful. The outcome of the final........., we won without a doubt BUT of so many people and so many places on the body to shoot at, I shot the big boss and I shot him at the CROTCH!!!!!! What the Fuck!!!! There goes my bonus and increment!

Just look at the pictures below and you'll see what will happen if you mess with me!

'Face Off'. Me and the Big Boss

The outcome. The Big Boss got shot at the crotch by ME!!!!!!!!!

Overall, it was a fun outing but very tiring.

Over-Worked

2006-05-04T09:45:00.000-07:00

Fuck!!

I'll be damn fucking busy this month. It'll be a marathon of work. This is my schedule for the month of May. It's the busiest so far:
1) I'll be conducting a training at one of the semi-government hospital
2) Then I'll be going to Malacca for my company's sales and service meeting, right after the above
3) I'll be conducting a demo at IMR
4) Going to Penang for a conference
5) Going to Terengganu for a workshop
6) Going back to Penang again for another workshop

What the fuck!! And what do I get paid??
Answer: peanuts

Best Time In Life - Part II

2006-05-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

When I was in Upper Six, I thought I'm going to flop big time. STPM is one of the hardest exams in the world!!! I didn't even wait for my STPM results as I enrolled into a private college. But the reason of going through form six is to enter a public university and avoid spending tens of thousands of ringgit to obtain a degree. I've already embarked on another journey as most of my schoolmates were still waiting for their STPM results as I knew I screwed up and chances are damn slim for me to get into a public university. But then, when the results finally came out, as expected, I did badly in my exams but..... I got accepted into a public university. So I quit private college after paying a few thousand ringgits and anxiously waited for the big day to come. The day where I will move into the campus.

On that day, my parents sent me off to the uni (it's somewhere in Bangi) and proudly waved goodbye to their soon to be successfull son. Then I checked into my hostel room and waited for quite some time before my room mate turned up. And when he finally turned up, he's a fucking INDIAN!!!! How can they let me stay with an INDIAN!!! It's a fucking nightmare. But life still has to go on. During my freshman year, I'm a total lone ranger. I got no friends but I'm a socialist. It was because during my year, most of the fuckos came from some village in the Northern State of Malaysia and for them, it's a definite NO,NO to mix with a guy that came from KL because they will bring bad influences. I guessed that's what their mommy told them. Fuck those faggots. But luckily, because of my good looks, I've managed to attract quite some babes. I only have babes as my friend during my freshman year but the problem is they wanted to be more than friends!! That's a problem when you have the looks. But still, I've managed to controlled them and I can't remember feeling any fresher than my freshman year.

When I entered second year, I met one fucking guy that became my best pal in uni by coincidence. I went to look for one of my course mate in his room and when I entered his room, I saw a guy was still sleeping soundly (it was 2 or 3 pm). My course mate said this is what his room mate does - sleep. Then, his room mate waked up and introduced himself as Yap. And then he lits a ciggie. What the fuck!! There is actually another chinese guy who smokes other than me!! From then on, we always hang out together. Thinking back, it's really funny because we treated higher learning as no more than vacation. Common student will have a daily routine of waking up early in the morning to go for lectures and sleeping around midnight. But not for me and Yap. Our day will begin at around 8 pm, when we just woke up. A time when people would be having dinner, we would only be having our breakfast. We never really go for lectures. Most of the lectures start at 8am. At that kind of time we were only about to call it a day. So we will go to bed instead of going for classes. But we still managed to pull through. Thank god. What we really did in uni was to only have fun. Smoke, eat, sleep, mamak stall, go to karaoke, buy porn vcd, booze, snooker.

When I was in my postgraduate studies, my buddies were Bros and CC. Bros is one fucking funny guy. Thinking of even his name would make me laugh. My postgraduate years were totally different from my first degree years. I have to spend all my time in the laboratory. But I still managed to have fun with some crazy people around. Fridays were the best. Because Friday would be our "lucky ball" day. It's like a ritual. We would automatically be in the snooker centre. Lucky ball is some sort of snooker but it's more interesting as we are playing for money. As I am quite a hustler, I managed to get the biggest win almost all the time. That was why we ended not playing "lucky ball" anymore. Because I would be the only winner. As CC and Bros said, "Why play lucky ball when we know that all our money would be going to HIM? Why not just give HIM the money without playing as it would turn out the same!!!" So we have to look for other entertainment. And we ended up playing LAN game in the cybercafe. We have to always look for something to cheer us up as life in a laboratory can be quite boring. But still it was part of the bestest times in my life. I wouldn't forget it.

When Boys Became Men

2006-04-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

I received a sms a couple of weeks ago from one of my mates. This is how the message goes:

13/04/2006 17.44
I got my new baby boy today 13/04/2006 at about 5pm.

It strucked me then that how fast times past by. One of my friends who is one year younger than me just became a father. I've known this guy for quite some time. We went to the same school and did all the sports stuff together (soccer and sepaktakraw). I still remember quite clearly the first time I met him. It was in the school bus. I just shifted to Shah Alam and I was in form one. He was wearing a short blue pants (primary school uniform). And now, he's a proud father of a healthy boy. From a twelve year old kid to a father. I guess it must've taken quite some courage and time to do that. But it seems like we are travelling in the speed of light or at least he is travelling in the speed of light!!

"Life is just a cycle". You came into this world, you go to school, get a job, buy a car, buy a house , get married, have children. Then when you know it, you are already lying six feet under the ground. Then it will start all over again. No use sighing........

My heartiest congratulation to Surish and family. May you find a new meaning in life with your new baby.

Then, there was Tat's wedding on the 19th of March 2006. I was part of his best men team. But we failed. We failed big time because we offered no help at all. We were supposed to help him to get through all the obstacles thrown at him by the bride's side, we were supposed to drive members of the bride's side to the temple then to the groom's home, but we end up offering nothing and to make matters worse, our mind were only on DOTA!!! And Eddie even showed up late at the dinner like he is the one getting married. But in the end, we concluded that we passed on 2 ocassions; the 'yam seng' part and the photography sessions.

SALUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIVERPOOL 2 - chelsea 1

2006-04-24T21:18:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, 22nd of April 2006, Liverpool (the greatest football club in the world) had beaten chelski 2-1 in the FA Cup semifinal. John Arne Riise had given LI\iverpool a well deserved lead in the 21st minute before cult hero Luis Garcia added a second in the 53rd minute. Eventhough chelski found a way back into the game when best supporting actor of the year, tiuniamacauhai kannimboo Drogba the bastard diver scored in the 70th minute. But still chelski can't match Liverpool's superiority throughout the game. Now we are all just waiting for May 13th, where Liverpool will meet West Ham in the FA cup final and may god bless Liverpool to lift the cup. An interesting thing happened after the final whistle where the muthafucker of the year Jose caucibai Mourinho refused to shake the hand of his conqueror, Rafa Benitez. I guessed that muthafucker Mourinho just wanna use his hands to wank himself and not to do any other things with it.

"Heng Tai"

2006-04-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a cycle of friends. And in this cycle, there will be definitely three of four fuckos who are the best of buddies and this is called "Heng Tai" (buddies in cantonese). They will do anything together and also try to do anything for the 'other'.

I have my own heng tai. Three of them to be exact. Kar Weng, Donnie aka ' Donz Da Man' and Chin Tat. I've known them for more than 15 years now and I wonder how I can survived for such a long time with Donz ( a really fucked-up fuck head). The four of us have done quite some crazy shit together. The first thing that crossed my mind when I thought of these fuckos were our 'shopping spree' adventure without paying. One particular incident that I can't forget is when Donz walked into a book store to 'get' some Star Wars sci-fi books to add to his already growing home library (after countless visits to the bookstore). This fuck head walked to the sci-fi section and when he found the Star Wars books, he measured the size of the book with his hand. He then walked out the bookstore without 'getting' anything to a secluded place and measured his waist with his hand. You know what this fuck head is up to? He is measuring his waist so he'll know exactly how many Star Wars books he can fit around his waist!!! As Donz is quite a fat ass, he managed to fit four Star Wars books around his waist. What a genius.

Then there was Tat (Chin Tat), the great pretender. After our first adventure to 'acquire' some cassettes from a cassettes store (cd is the high-end thing back then and piracy is still in an infant stage), we gathered at some back-alley and happily show off our new acquired metallica, iron maiden, sepultura and nirvana cassettes except Tat. Each of us got at least 2 cassettes except Tat. He said he got none and his face was showing how sad he was.But then, after a while, this ass hole slowly take out something from his waist (I guess the waist is the best place to hide things). One by one he took out 4 cassettes. Four!!!! This is the muthafucker who showed a pathetic face because the three of us were so happy checking out our new cassettes except him. But this is also the muthafucker who 'acquired' the most cassettes!!! What an ass hole.
During that time, we could 'get' anything we wanted. Books (not revision books okay!), cassettes, shirts, jackets, chocolates, drinks and even ciggarettes. I can say that we live an exclusive lifestyle then.

But we also had our days. There were times that the four of us were so broke that one of us will bring food from home so the other three will have something to eat. We took turns. I will bring food on Monday, then Kar Weng the next day, Donz the following day and then Tat. But it didn't last long because I don't want to and we deserved the best! So what I did was to walk around the school with Donz and I will 'ask' people for money (I do not beg for money so figure it out what I meant when I said 'ask'). So, in one day Donz and I will managed to get around RM12- RM15. Not bad ehh for two fuckos who just wanted to eat. The money that we get will be spent on food for the four of us. The weird thing is Kar Weng and Tat opted out of the 'asking' for money part but they want a piece of the share. The two of them should've joined us because we would have made more money when there were four of us!!!! Well, as I've said, a heng tai will try to do anything for the other heng tai.

The four of us have grown up now and have our own careers and we are still as close as ever.

No Escape

2006-04-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

I just came back from Kuching yesterday. I've said in my previous post that Kuching is a muthafucking dead town but still it ain't short of surprises.

First of all, my flight to Kuching was delayed from 8.15am to 10.45am. But that was okay as I've got the news last Friday so I didn't turned up so early after all at the airport. But still I didn't know why the flight was delayed, not until I reached Kuching.

When I reached the new Kuching International Airport, I had to wait for one fucking hour just to get through immigration. There were so many people. It turned out that it was the official opening of the airport by our beloved Prime Minister. That was why all the muthafucking flights to Kuching on that time had to be delayed to make way for the ceremony. And all the muthafucking flights to Kuching will have more or less the same arrival time to Kuching then. So, that explained why there were so many people at the airport. After immigration, I had to wait another half an hour just to get a fucking taxi coupon.

When I got into the taxi, the driver smells like dead fish + shit!!!! His body odour was so bad that I used my mouth to breath. When I tried to breath the normal way, I felt like puking to that asshole!!!! It was terrible. Even when I was breathing through my mouth I felt like puking!!! It was a 40 minutes terror ride for me.

And the 'adventure' just don't end there. After I met my client, I checked into a hotel. It was about 6pm. It was a rough day. So I decided to rest for a while. Then suddenly, an asshole just walked straight into my room!!!!!! Luckily I wasn't wanking. Muthafucker. I would definitely welcomed it if that was a babe. I would even suggest that she stay with me but then this was a muthafucker!!! But as he was as stunned as me, he walked out the room. Actually he just checked into the hotel and somehow the muthafucking hotel staff gave him the room I was in. Not his fault anyway. So I got changed and moved into action. I went to the reception and asked for explanation. They just keep apologizing.

That's Kuching.

Best Time In Life - Part I

2006-04-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking quite a lot about the time when I was still a student. I really miss those fucking years!!! Its quite funny that as a student, what I really need to do is just enjoy myself, sleep, eat, smoke, watch TV and whatever I wanted to do except study.

You see, when I was 13, I shifted to Shah Alam from KL and I got into a school in Klang where I continue to horn my skills in truancy. Being new in a town (Klang) where I hardly know anyone or anything except that it's famous for Bah Kut Teh, it's really hard for me to adjust to life especially the communication part!!! Back in KL, every Chinese speaks Cantonese. But this is not the case in Klang. There, they speak in Hokkien. Come on!! I don't even know what the fuck is Hokkien. What I know about Hokkien then, is the Hokkien mee.

I still remember quite clearly the first day I'm supposed to report to school. I was in form one then. I took a fucking bus from Shah Alam to Klang. If you are an avid Lost (the TV series) fan, then you'll know how I felt when I first arrived in Klang. I'm totally lost. I don't know how to get to the fucking school!!! This is bad. Please don't tell me to skip school on the very first day!!! I still need to know how to get to the school! As things might not have been better, in front of me was a roundabout. At this point, I have to make the very first important decision of my life- which route to take? Then I looked at the signboard. If I'm not mistaken, the school is located at Jalan Meru. So I just followed the Jalan Meru direction and after around 10 minutes of walking, there it was - High School Klang.

And now's the tricky part. How do I communicate with all the fuckos here?? The very first fuck head who asked me a question in Hokkien is a bastard named Chee Meng.
Chee Meng : "Leh ooh ching lai sar boh"? (Are you wearing a bra?)
Me: (looked stunned and scratching my head because I don't understand a single word he said)

And it turned out that this muthafucker is actually a Cantonese and he just want to look at my stunned face for fun!!! Well, I don't blamed him. Everyone just want to have fun. As I'm an intelligent and also a good looking guy(errmm...), I've picked up Hokkien quite fast. After spending 7 years in that school (from form one to upper six), I found out that what I really learned there is Hokkien. What a place. I won't forget this place as long as I live as this is the place where I made so many wonderful friends. Part of my "bestest" times were spent here.

What to do?

2006-04-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

Next week I'll be going on a business trip to Kuching, Sarawak. Kuching has a city status. Well, my definition for a city is it should have:
1) Great shopping malls where a lot of hot babes hang out there
2) A lot pubs
3) Karaoke
4) Brothels
5) A lot of hot chicks

If we add all those things that I mentioned up there, you'll get 1+2+3+4+5 = Excellent night life
But I'm really sad to say that Kuching doesn't meet my requirements of having a great night life. It sucks!!! In fact, it sucks BIG TIME. It's a dead town for fuck's sake. What you can do there is :

1) Go to some Ah Kau Supermarket Sdn Bhd where most of the babes looked like your granny (no disrespect here)
2) Go to Restaurant Bapak Kamu for a drink where all the patrons are Gwai Lohs and Gwai Pohs. You think damn cool rite to have so many foreigners at some bistro that maybe you can get on to something. Let me tell you this, they are old enough to be your great grandmother!!!!
3) Go to your hotel's bathroom and sing yourself out loud.
4) Jerk yourself off in your own damn hotel room while thinking of the old foreign lady you met at Restaurant Bapak Kamu
5) Try to come back to KL as soon as you touched down at the new Kuching International Airport.

These are my tips when you are planning to go to some place that you'll feel alone and there's nothing much to do.